Category Archives: My Journey

The Couple Part 6: The Wedding

06 Sunday May 2012

Posted by in Life in Africa, Marriage, My Journey, The Call

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On June 7th, 1986 we were joined in marriage at the First Baptist Church of Friendswood, Texas. We were the first couple to be Wed in the beautiful white, victorian Gazebo under the great oak tree built in memory of Dot Wilden’s Imagebeloved husband. Money was tight for us both so it really had be put together on a shoestring budget. At the home of the Duffer’s we had a magical night at our Hawaiian Luau following our dress rehearsal the night before the wedding. Jerry Duffer performed the ceremony 18 years later came to work with us in Botswana! Rachel Burchfield told a story as she did “The Commissioning” of us as a couple to Africa as an important part of the ceremony. She told of how, when I was a teenager I had spent the night and was having a quiet time with God. I came out and said to her, “God spoke to me!!” She said, “What did he say?” With great excitement I shared that God told me my life was going to be a life of perseverance, and that he was going to teach me perseverance. Her eyes got big and I said, “By the way, what is perseverance?” So has my life been in many, many ways as we have learned to stick with it through thick and thin!

We had a beautiful wedding and God pieced together every detail, including the pearls lovingly sewn on my wedding dress and Texas-style hat. It was so wonderful to see so many people pull together to make it an unforgettable event. Flowers, music, cake, food, photos, presents potpourri and friends were all given by the amazing people in our lives.

When we celebrated our 20 year wedding anniversary, we looked back in awe at the wonderful gift the Lord has given us in one another to fulfill His calling in much greater ways than we had ever imagined.Image

We made a promise never to say the “D” word, (divorce). We’ve had our share of struggles as two people with very strong wills and ideas. But when placed in the Lord’s hands, He can do wonders with our flaws and weave them into a wonderful tapestry of destiny for His Glory!

Prejudice and Pride – How Africa Has Changed Me

05 Thursday Apr 2012

Posted by in Inspirational Thoughts, Life in Africa, My Journey

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ImagePhoto by Remick Lackey

In 1987 we had watched the newly released “Out of Africa” with Meryl Steep and Robert Redford. We had a dream that was about to become a reality. A culmination of many years of prayer and longing to “go”. We had said to God, like Isaiah, “Here am I Lord, send me.” Our ideas were so romantic. In fact, I was Meryl and Jerry was Robert and together, we set off for Africa!

We came to Africa to really make a difference, “to shake a nation.” Like the great Evangelist, Reinhard Bonke says, shaking his fist in the air with resolute declaration, “Africa shall be saved!”

But after living in Africa for almost 25 years now, most of my adult life, so far, we have experienced the richness of a culture and of it’s people. We now know that we really have not changed anything much. But one thing we do know, Africa has changed us! We are different people now from when we came! Africa and its people have taught us and shown us more about being people of honor and respect, which are the foundation and fabric of this culture. People come first. Period. My fast-paced, introspective, American life-style, my small minded-ness, my lack of a world view all had limited me as a life long learner on the field. Can you believe, I even thought God was American! Not literally, but certainly in my perception of how I thought He thought!

Seriously though, it has taken years for me to really understand that the things that were ingrained in me from my culture as an American up to the age of 27 when I came to Africa, were not necessarily the “right” way at all. Its all I knew. Here, in Botswana, to greet someone is fundamental to any encounter and conversation. If I greet you, I respect you. If I forgo that formality, simply because I am in a hurry (guilty-I am almost always in a hurry!), then I may as well turn around and leave, because I wont’ get very far.

We are sometimes embarrassed by our younger days here, and our ex-patriot counterparts who come over with the idea that we are better than someone because they can’t speak English, don’t dress as nice, or live in a hut. Don’t let that fool you! You never know who you will find in that hut, or in the yard. PHD’s, Ministers of Parliament, Diplomats, enjoying retirement. An elderly person who is looking after and providing for up to 12 children because their parents have passed away. A woman who lives with abuse. A smelly child who happens to come from a child led home because there is no one to look after them? Judgments and prejudices are in our lives and the back of our minds as ugly reminders of our inability to embrace, unconditionally those we encounter every day of our lives. You cannot judge a book by its cover for sure! You really never can.

What are some ways that you could see yourself letting down your guard to love the lovely, and the seemingly un-lovely? What makes a person worthy of your attention-or not? We all came from the dust and will return to it. Compassion is the essence of life-Christian or not. It is when Christ is the ruler of our hearts, He gives us the ability to see the person, to really SEE the person, as he sees them. That’s what it means to be his hands and his feet.

I wouldn’t trade a day I have lived in Africa for all the highways in Houston! Slow down, take it all in, the people around you, the task you thought you had to do at that moment, and savor the sweetness of another person, because they deserve as much dignity and respect as you do.

The Couple Part 5: She’s mine!

27 Tuesday Mar 2012

Posted by in Marriage, My Journey, The Early Days

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Once we established where we would meet up, I took off and found him waiting next to his sporty, red, convertible  MG. We drove around trying to find a place to eat besides the 24 hour Denny’s since it was so late, we opted for desert at a favorite coffee house. I was pretty stiff and not talkative at all. He could sense something was wrong, poor guy! I started wishing I had not been so ice cold when he suggested we go back to my apartment because he also had a tradition. He told me that he, too, got alone with God to be with Him to see the new year in! Well, I had a nudge that said, “Go for it!”  So, we arrived at my place, went over to the love seat, (wink), and on our knees went to our Creator in prayer. We spent some time just worshiping God when Jerry gently put his arm around my shoulder and said these words that started us on a more defined path. “Lord, I thank you for showing me that I need Jana in my life. Lord help us to serve you together wherever you lead us.”

That was it! That was the point in time my mama told me about. “When he commits, it will be because he has decided that this is what he wants and it will be quick from there, you just watch.”  He later told me that he had intended to stay “Single for God” and go to Africa unattached. After that night, everything changed. I was his gal. And everyone knew it. Even the way he walked with me was different. He wanted everyone to know, we were a pair. Grant it, there were some presuming girls who weren’t too happy about that and one even tried to sabotage it! But nothing was going to deter us from the path we were on!

ImageThat February Jerry proposed to me at a nice, romantic, candle-lit dinner at an Italian restaurant called Birraporetti’s. Inside the desert menu was a little card that opened up with cut out letters from newspaper magazines that read, “Jana G. will you marry me?” Then a beautiful diamond ring was presented to me in the box with longing eyes and a big smile from the most handsome man I knew! It’s no guess what my answer was! Yes! We enjoyed a nice desert and then I was greeted at the car on the way out with 2 dozen red roses to show this was no joke! It was more than this young woman had ever dreamed of in a proposal! Now it was official. I was his!

The Couple Part 4: The Runaway Bride

26 Monday Mar 2012

Posted by in Marriage, My Journey, The Early Days

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Before I met Jerry, I started trudging through the book “Passion for Purity” by Elisabeth Elliott. She is the widow to Jim Elliot whoImage was one of the martyrs who was murdered by the Auca Indians in the jungles of the Amazon in the late 50’s. Their story was not one I was relishing. She had to wait for him for many years before getting even a commitment of marriage-and all the while, remaining pure in their relationship. In my heart of hearts, it was easier to blow this thing off completely than to have to dangle my heart out there in limbo-land while Jerry was busy making up his mind! I purposed to finish the book that evening and then get my answer from God. I had a tradition from the time I was 14 years old, the year I gave my whole life to the Lord. I would go somewhere to be alone at midnight on new Year’s eve and allow the Lord to speak to me things about the coming year and to pray the new year in with the Lover of my soul, Jesus.

I decided I would do just that as it was the appropriate day for it, and after all, I was making good money in my job and could afford it the nice, $50 room at the Hilton. As I settled in, I first called my mom and told her where I was and what I was doing- not that I had basically “run away from home” (a home where I lived alone and could have just locked the door!!) I then called my answering service, the thing we had before cell phones, and told them not to, under any circumstances give out my number where I was. I knew Jerry would be calling after work, like he did most every day to see what was happening and could we get together and hang out. I was just very frustrated that he had come to expect me to be “available” and felt he should have made more plans and “invited me” out to dinner that night, since it was such a special day after all. The underlying frustration was that I wanted to know for sure if this was the man I was going to marry, otherwise, I wanted to get on with my life and God’s plan for me!

I nestled up onto the bed of that nice, posh, quiet hotel room and finished reading the last of “Passion for Purity”. I then proceeded to the floor in my most spiritual stance I could muster. Bowed down before God, I cried out to him, “OH God! Show me Lord, Is Jerry the man you have for me?” At that moment, the sweet presence of the Lord came down and His still, small voice spoke to me and said, “Jana, be faithful to him as a friend.” Just as quickly as it came, it lifted and left me feeling anything but sweet! I said, “That’s it! That’s all you have to say to me? You mean I paid $50 to hear you say that?!” I heard what I already knew. To be a faithful friend to Jerry. And to wait. Not to run away, but to allow myself to be vulnerable at a time when it would have been easier to forget the whole thing. It has a horrible, miserable, grueling time- waiting for answers about this man!

Angrily, I plopped up on the bed, all spiritual goose-bumps and sense of anointing out the window! I turned on the TV and miserably sat and started watching an old movie when the phone rang. Now originally, I had wanted to make Jerry suffer and wonder where on earth I was! That’s why I told the answering service not to tell “anyone” my whereabouts or numbers. I was beginning to regret that move and as I sat alone watching tv, the phone rang and it was Jerry. He said, “Jana, what are you doing?” I said very smugly, “Oh, I decided to get away and spend some time with the Lord for New Year’s Eve.” Yeah right! I was miserable! “How did you get my number?” He told me the answering service gave it to him. Jerry Lackey can sell ice to an Eskimo! That’s just how he is.

He didn’t ask where I was (though only much later, did I realize when they answered the phone, they said, “Hilton, may I help you”. I can only imagine what he must have thought when he realized where I was. We had a pure relationship-something that is possible by the grace of God! He asked me, “Don’t you want to go get something to eat?” I very curtly said, “Well, I guess so. But I would rather come to where you are and we can meet and go from there.” Aware of appearances of evil and all you know! After all, I was in a hotel room!

The Couple Part 3: “Things I want in a wife”

26 Monday Mar 2012

Posted by in Marriage, My Journey, The Early Days

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Over the coming weeks and months we spent more and more time together after work and on our free days. We would ride together to church and eventually I even started playing the piano to assist him in Wednesday evening children’s church while he played the guitar and led the singing. The only thing was, I really didn’t know HOW to play the piano! I did play the guitar and took the chords from the guitar and realized they sounded the same on the piano! So, I just faked it and no one was the wiser, or at least they never let on!

My biggest fear in a relationship, being a young woman with a very clear call from God and a very specific direction for my life, was to waste precious time in a relationship that was not going to end up as my life partner. My criteria was 2 things: he had to love Jesus as much as I did, and be called to Africa. That narrowed things down a bit! I also mentioned to God that “I wouldn’t mind if he was good looking too!” Throughout my relationship with Jerry, I was so unsure if this was really it. Yes, he was called to Africa. Yes, he loved God with all his heart, but was it too good to be true? I felt he was out of my league. He was older than me and so good looking and stylish! I sure didn’t bargain for that part!

Friends

As time went on, people began to see us as “a couple”. Originally, Jerry thought he was going to be single and go to Africa. He felt he could do more for God single, than married. He was approaching 30 and he was pretty comfortable with his bachelorhood. When it started taking him time to commit his heart to me, I started to get nervous. I wanted to chuck the whole thing and say, “forget it, this is too hard!” But my wise mother said to me, “Jana, hang on, this one is worth waiting for. When he does commit, it will be solid and it will be quick. Just be his friend.” When I would go to the Lord in prayer about our relationship, the Lord would gently speak to me and say, “Jana, be faithful to him as a friend”. So that’s what I did, but I also loved him very much “more than a friend!”

By this time I had been approached about working at KGOL as an account executive, where Carla was an announcer and where I had organized media buys for LuMatt. In the big city of Houston, my office was near Jerry’s town home so I would sometimes go there for lunch while his work was near my apartment and he would do the same. It was New Year’s Eve and I was looking forward to getting off, but I was a little irritated that Jerry hadn’t made plans with me for the evening. Was it taken for granted that I would just be free and available at his whim to get together! I was getting more irritated and restless by the minute, reminding the Lord that I didn’t intend to waste time or personal energy in a relationship if it was going nowhere! After all, I was on my way to Africa and waiting for the green light from the Lord! Jerry was working a double shift as he was in retail at the time and was clueless as to my emotional dilemma!

“Things I want in a wife”

ImageThat afternoon during lunch, I went over to his place, walked into the Living room, and there on the desk, bold as daylight was a big piece of paper, and on it a list with bold letters that that read, “Things I want in a wife”. I contemplated for about a millisecond as to whether I should read it or not, and decided after all, that it was fair game as it was in plain sight! I looked at the 10 points on that paper and was dumbstruck. 1. Loves the Lord 2. A good dresser 3. A good cook 4. Good looking 5. secretarial skills 6. Called to Africa…That’s about as far as I got. I did not see myself on that list very much at all! I stormed out of that townhouse and after work that day, went to my little apartment where I lived alone, packed my bag and drove to the nearest Hotel and checked in. I locked myself in the room and vowed to God that I would not leave that room till I heard from Him regarding my relationship with Jerry Lackey! Was this the one or not?