Tag Archives: missions

What Is The meaning Of Life?

23 Thursday Oct 2014

Posted by in Growing Pains, Life in Africa, Our Family, The Call

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meaningoflifeI asked this question on my Facebook wall this week and had some great and, yet some predictable answers from Christians. My other friends were mostly quiet, other than a joke or two. I guess I was asking myself that question, not wanting to be predictable. When circumstances in life become overwhelming and you have to just keep going, but eventually, this question seems to surface in some way or another.

Life is so much more than yesterday. Tomorrow has not yet come. What I have is now. I am thankful for all my yesterdays because without them, I wouldn’t be what I am today. The losses and gains of yesterday- all make this moment possible.

And in this moment, I feel profound loneliness. Living so far from my family al these years in Africa, has created a chasm greater and longer than I could have imagined. It is a longing that has never left me. Yet, I have been given the riches of the most special kind of life, family, and of friendship. People have reached out to us. in times of crisis, in times of joy, and in times of just living life. Families are complex things. Does anyone ever really have their expectations met through family members?  From Generations before and those to follow, unwanted records are kept of our inconstancies and failures. Heart wounds sometimes never heal and are most raw when felt by a close loved one. To me, it has been part of the “calling”, to leave all and follow where God leads. We did that, but there has been a price, a price we were willing to make. The cost has been great, not only to me, but to my mother, father, sister and brother. Not to mention, the multitude of extended relatives I hold dear, including a 97 year old grandma in Texas! I love them and I miss them a lot of the time. I long for that phone call for no reason, that quick “pop-in” surprise visit.

As a Christian, I also have a family that surpasses my own genetic connections, though treasured and loved. I also have people in my life that don’t believe like me, but they have been there for me and their hearts are good. Better sometimes than those who carry the title of Christian. Of course, I want all my friends to know God like I know Him, feel His love like I have. To really know what it is to have a purpose in this life that outlives us.

If I figure it out, I will sure let you know! As I write, my house is quiet. It has turned into another day by the clock striking 12. Besides the noise of the Eland walking around the fence, the hippo grunting as he grazes in the grass nearby, and the sound of the jet’s night flight overhead on its way to Joburg, and the humming of my fan that I need to lull me to sleep, I know this one thing. I may feel lonely, but I am not alone. I may miss my loved ones, but they are still my loved ones. I may not know the direction my 4 children will take, but I do know that they have an imperfect family, but they have a family that loves them and is there for them in their parents. I would move heaven and earth to be there for my kids. They will never be able to say otherwise. As my boys once watched Anne of Green Gables and saw the fiery red-headed Meagan Follows in a rage for her cause and her mistakes, they all looked at each other and said, “Oh my gosh, that’s our mom!” Between being called Scarlet O’Hara for my fiery temper and Lucille Ball for the messes I find myself in, I think at one point, I might need some help! Well, I have received lots of it from lots of people through the years. In the lonely times, I just have to remember those are the very people who were there for me. Family, friends, acquaintances and perfect strangers. Through a house fire, stage 4 cancer in my husband, kids’ crises time and again, I have never been alone. God is so real, so present and you know what? He has loved me and been there for me-through-you, the people in my life. He wraps His great arms of love around me when I need it most, through a smile, a hug, a special note.

8dc32804-3e4e-4da4-a7dd-ff45d8e9689dI am grateful for you. Grateful for the kindness expressed through each “like”, each comment, each thought. Perhaps I have scratched the surface as the clock strikes 12 in the darkness of my room. I don’t feel so alone now. Life without others in it, is no life at all. Go and find someone today who you can touch with whatever you find yourself able to give. I promise you, it not only feels good, it feels great! It abolishes loneliness and ushers in a connection with another human being and even, God. He is so creative to love us through others. Be that other today. And after you do-come back and share it with me, will you? People need to know how to do it-its simple-so DO IT!

*Photos from Photobucket

The Couple Part 4: The Runaway Bride

26 Monday Mar 2012

Posted by in Marriage, My Journey, The Early Days

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Before I met Jerry, I started trudging through the book “Passion for Purity” by Elisabeth Elliott. She is the widow to Jim Elliot whoImage was one of the martyrs who was murdered by the Auca Indians in the jungles of the Amazon in the late 50’s. Their story was not one I was relishing. She had to wait for him for many years before getting even a commitment of marriage-and all the while, remaining pure in their relationship. In my heart of hearts, it was easier to blow this thing off completely than to have to dangle my heart out there in limbo-land while Jerry was busy making up his mind! I purposed to finish the book that evening and then get my answer from God. I had a tradition from the time I was 14 years old, the year I gave my whole life to the Lord. I would go somewhere to be alone at midnight on new Year’s eve and allow the Lord to speak to me things about the coming year and to pray the new year in with the Lover of my soul, Jesus.

I decided I would do just that as it was the appropriate day for it, and after all, I was making good money in my job and could afford it the nice, $50 room at the Hilton. As I settled in, I first called my mom and told her where I was and what I was doing- not that I had basically “run away from home” (a home where I lived alone and could have just locked the door!!) I then called my answering service, the thing we had before cell phones, and told them not to, under any circumstances give out my number where I was. I knew Jerry would be calling after work, like he did most every day to see what was happening and could we get together and hang out. I was just very frustrated that he had come to expect me to be “available” and felt he should have made more plans and “invited me” out to dinner that night, since it was such a special day after all. The underlying frustration was that I wanted to know for sure if this was the man I was going to marry, otherwise, I wanted to get on with my life and God’s plan for me!

I nestled up onto the bed of that nice, posh, quiet hotel room and finished reading the last of “Passion for Purity”. I then proceeded to the floor in my most spiritual stance I could muster. Bowed down before God, I cried out to him, “OH God! Show me Lord, Is Jerry the man you have for me?” At that moment, the sweet presence of the Lord came down and His still, small voice spoke to me and said, “Jana, be faithful to him as a friend.” Just as quickly as it came, it lifted and left me feeling anything but sweet! I said, “That’s it! That’s all you have to say to me? You mean I paid $50 to hear you say that?!” I heard what I already knew. To be a faithful friend to Jerry. And to wait. Not to run away, but to allow myself to be vulnerable at a time when it would have been easier to forget the whole thing. It has a horrible, miserable, grueling time- waiting for answers about this man!

Angrily, I plopped up on the bed, all spiritual goose-bumps and sense of anointing out the window! I turned on the TV and miserably sat and started watching an old movie when the phone rang. Now originally, I had wanted to make Jerry suffer and wonder where on earth I was! That’s why I told the answering service not to tell “anyone” my whereabouts or numbers. I was beginning to regret that move and as I sat alone watching tv, the phone rang and it was Jerry. He said, “Jana, what are you doing?” I said very smugly, “Oh, I decided to get away and spend some time with the Lord for New Year’s Eve.” Yeah right! I was miserable! “How did you get my number?” He told me the answering service gave it to him. Jerry Lackey can sell ice to an Eskimo! That’s just how he is.

He didn’t ask where I was (though only much later, did I realize when they answered the phone, they said, “Hilton, may I help you”. I can only imagine what he must have thought when he realized where I was. We had a pure relationship-something that is possible by the grace of God! He asked me, “Don’t you want to go get something to eat?” I very curtly said, “Well, I guess so. But I would rather come to where you are and we can meet and go from there.” Aware of appearances of evil and all you know! After all, I was in a hotel room!