Category Archives: Life in Africa

Daughter……In Law And In Love (1)

05 Sunday Oct 2014

Posted by in Life in Africa, Mother-In-Law, Our Family

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“Whither thou goest I will go, whither thou lodgest, I will lodge. Your people shall be my people, and your God, My God.”

We’ve had quite a journey my mom-in-law and I. We kind of did it the other way around though. I went with her son to Africa. Before we had even met, Jerry and I were on our own journey to Southern Africa. God saw fit to cross our paths and 2 years later we found ourselves married, with a shared calling, in Africa on a true journey of our hearts. We were together and we were happy serving God in the most unlikely place for us two American “yuppies”. A few years later, she joined us in our work, giving us a Principal for our new school and a live-in grandmother for our kids. Here is the story of how my Mother in Law, become my Mother in Love.

The first time I met Pat Lackey aka “Miss Pat”, was Thanksgiving week, of 1985. Jerry and I were getting serious in our relationship, so we made the long drive up to Radcliff, Kentucky to meet his mama.  I heard from a family friend that she was a really likable person and that she would just love me! Still, I was nervous! We arrived to the smell of  a wonderful Turkey dinner.  I instantly felt at ease and comfortable. It was true, we hit it off well. Come Monday, she was off to the school she had started and was Principal, at the local Assembly of God Church. We went to visit and I was astounded by her leadership of the kids and staff. She came home later with bite marks on her from a kid that had some serious behavioral problems. I heard the story and was moved to tears at the way she handled it. She held the little boy tight in her arms, praying for him, loving him, until he finally melted in the love that he was being surrounded with. It was not the first, or last child whose life was changed by her love and faith in him. It was a stubborn love and was not the only time I would see that in action on behalf of a troubled child!

A Life Changed:

I think of “Esa”. The boy brought to our school when no other school could help him. They said he had learning disabilities. Under Miss Pat’s watchful eye, the boy grew in confidence and in spite of plenty of episodes of “discipline”. She saw the potential, the hidden gifts in him and brought those out. Today-17 years later, he is a college graduate, a successful businessman, an entrepreneur who is active in the men’s ministry of our church.

Penned by Jeff Lackey:

A Poem For My Mother

She was born in a small town

a homecoming queen with a musical sound,

From Nebraska to Kentucky

we followed the work,

Each place made special

by the lessons we learned:

Nature is magic

Belief is your friend

Animals can talk

Keep the child within,

She  taught us that people are basically good

Save a place for forgiveness –

when things don’t work as they should

We’re all connected despite what it seems

You can find excitement in your smallest of dreams

If you try and change her

You’re wasting your time

If you’re looking for head-strong

she carries the sign

But she channels the spirit from a place up above

and she wears the clothes of unconditional love

As time passes and I finish this line,

paper and pen fall short

when I try to describe

My mother, my friend, a teacher of life.

…to be continued

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Wearing Pajamas To Church

04 Saturday Oct 2014

Posted by in Growing Pains, Inspirational Thoughts, Life in Africa

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pulling-my-hair-outCaring for a mother-in-law who was once an independent, self-sufficient individual was unexpected, at this stage in my life, to say the least. It started with a knee surgery and now, 4 months later and 4 surgeries later, I find myself in Pretoria, South Africa attending to her at every visit allowed in the High Care Unit. Love is being tested and leaves feelings of guilt when a test is failed.

“There is nothing on this planet quite so toxic as guilt.”  Caring for a family member with Alzheimer’s disease is no joke. It reminds me of popcorn, one of my favorite foods. Great finished product, but the grease gets hot and if the lid isn’t on the pan, grease will fly and you will get burned! Two women. Two wills. One to keep the other one safe-no matter what. Ruth and Naomi-sort of, in a very unromantic way. The raw stuff of life. Literally. From a knee surgery to give her a new lease on life, followed by a blocked colon that burst in the middle of nowhere in Africa, miracle survival, and a bag to catch-you know what. 2 months of that and this week it got reconnected! That part is going to work again, but I can honestly say, along with my dutiful, devoted friend Michelle, who helped me, I was knee deep in !@#*! The aroma was anything but savory.

The one certainty through all of this is the few Sunday mornings when we were at home over the last few months. No matter what, our mom would be well enough to go to church. It was a chore. I bought some beautiful new outfits for her before her knee surgery. I also bought some warm Pajamas for the recovery time in hospital. There was one pair that was a favorite. Much to my surprise, the outfit I had picked out to wear was put aside and I was informed she was going “casual”. I came in to administer the morning meds to find her fully dressed in the favorite PJ’s! Should I let her go, or preserve her dignity, even if unappreciated at the time? A forced, “nice” outfit was imposed and wills clashed. I won. Sometimes the popcorn gets burned. The smell hangs around for a while. But oh, the joy to taste buds is the warm, salty taste of perfect popcorn! The process in the pan is intense-but if we stick with it, there are moments of delight.

Time is not on our side. The past 4 months have proven that. I hope I can get a few good batches of popcorn and heck, if she has to wear pi’s to church to be happy, why not?

Botswana: The Jewel In The Crown Of Africa, Part 2

21 Tuesday Jan 2014

Posted by in Life in Africa

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These stories are not uncommon. Just over 10 years ago Botswana faced an epidemic of catastrophic proportion.  The response, from the beginning of the epidemic, both by the Botswana government and international donors and research institutions, has been unprecedented.

Besides investing hugely by its own government, Botswana has received aid from international donors and research institutions. The U.S. government was involved through the CDC and PEPFAR, the President’s Emergency Plan for AIDS Relief, which was launched by President George W. Bush. The Bill and Melinda Gates & Merck Foundations have also been a vital part of seeing these statistics improve. 

Today, the plight of a Zimbabwean is close to what it was over 15 years ago. It was too late for the teacher mentioned in my previous post. But for the young woman, a citizen of Botswana, who got help almost immediately once the free program was rolled out in the country, it meant life for her. The Southern African nation of Botswana has one of the highest rates of HIV in the world. Nearly 25 percent of all adults in the country are infected with the virus, with the Kingdom of Swaziland ranking number one.

But Botswana is also remarkable for its response to the epidemic. It has one of the most comprehensive and effective HIV treatment programs in Africa. Transmission of HIV from infected mothers to their fetuses and newborn babies went from 40% has now been brought down to just 4%.  A decade ago, Botswana was facing a national crisis as AIDS appeared on the verge of decimating the country’s adult population. Now, Botswana provides free, life-saving ARV drugs to citizens who need them.

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“From the beginning of the epidemic, there’s been tremendous leadership on the part of the government of Botswana to address the epidemic head on.” – Kathleen Toomey, head of the CDC’s office in Botswana

In 2002, Botswana became the first nation in Africa to launch a program to try to provide access to HIV drug treatment nationwide. Now, roughly 95 percent of Botswana citizens who need the medications are on them and living healthy, productive lives.  Botswana has had advantages in addressing HIV that many other countries do not have even though through ongoing infection rates it comes in at the second most affected country from HIV in the world.  Through education, both Moral and academically, the statistics are slowly improving. Though as large as the State of Texas or the country of France, its small population of only 2 million people, the effects on such a small population are substantial. The Botswana government now spends more on health care per capita than any other country in Africa.

Having lived in the country for more than 25 years, we have seen a turnaround in the effects of HIV/AIDS on our everyday lives. Funerals were continual, hospital beds were not enough, there was not one area of life here that was not affected by the scourge. Today, things are shaping up. With services offered by Government, with partnerships with NGO’s, with a society that wants to see change, hope is becoming a reality. I for one am grateful for all the efforts made, international and local, to see what was a death sentence for a nation, turn into a thriving nation that is headed towards Vision 2016 and continue to be a Model for all of Africa to see.

Photo: Bing.com

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Stats taken from: http://www.npr.org/2012/07/09/156375781/botswanas-stunning-achievement-against-aids

My 500 Words Post 21

Botswana: The Jewel In The Crown Of Africa

21 Tuesday Jan 2014

Posted by in Life in Africa

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Image This is the first in a series on Botswana. It is written for the international audience through the eyes of an American, but with the heart of an African who has lived here for over 25 years. Let’s look at it from the inside out.” As the title states, it truly is “The Jewel In The Crown Of Africa”. These next few writings will hopefully turn some heads towards this remarkable Country.

Part I- HIV & AIDS in Botswana

On her deathbed, a Zimbabwean teacher in Botswana, wife and mother, said, “But my husband was the only man I was ever with.” Months before, she suspected her husband might be HIV positive. She was pregnant when he passed away and the newborn baby struggled for life just weeks after the birth.  When the baby passed away it was almost more than she could bear. In just a matter of months, her health also deteriorated. Finally, she went for the test. Stunned, she then knew for sure, it was the worst news imaginable. She told her pastor’s wife, that she had lived faithful to her husband, unlike him who had multiple affairs throughout their marriage. They had one other child, a daughter, several years older, a product of happier days. What would become of her? The whole family would be gone in the space of one year.  After her mother passed away she was sent back to Zimbabwe where her grandfather lived and worked as a headmaster of a school.

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A few years later, there was a Motswana lady who came for prayer at our church.  She told me, “I am sick.” This carried a deeper meaning and as our eyes met, I knew what she meant. We prayed together and after that, through what has now become an official department on our NGO called Love Botswana, people were mobilized to assist and help her get back on her feet. She had been sick for some time, with no treatment options available. She was skin and bones and hardly able to walk.

It’s no good praying for someone and then not doing anything for them, if it is within your power to do so! First, does the family have food to eat? Second, what kind of shelter do they have? Living near a bar with broken bottles and trash everywhere, help came from the church. People from the church came to clean up the yard, put in a playground area for the kids, and rallied around her and the family to help in various ways from shelter, to food, clothing and school uniforms. Today, through the dedicated service of staff, local and international volunteers, many people are receiving help in their lives.

The Church should be the hands and feet of Jesus in our communities. Getting out to where the people are is critical. Most people will never step foot in a church unless there is a change in their paradigm of what church really is. A prayer is great, but here is what Jesus said about this kind of scenario:  “I was a stranger and you did not invite me in, I needed clothes and you did not clothe me, I was sick and in prison and you did not look after me.’ Matthew 25:43

Further help came for the young woman just in time, as the Botswana Government was about to undertake something never before done in Africa in the fight against HIV/AIDS by introducing ARV’s for those citizens who qualified for the meds.  For this young woman, help was there. Over the span of just a few years she became healthy and strong, gaining weight and benefiting from the programs extended to her. She went on to finish her own schooling, taking classes after work, secured land, and built a house for her and her elderly family member.

Stats presented by source: http://www.npr.org/2012/07/09/156375781/botswanas-stunning-achievement-against-aids

Day 19 My 500 Words

A Black Woman In A White Body

20 Monday Jan 2014

Posted by in Inspirational Thoughts, Life in Africa

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  •  I am at a restaurant in Johannesburg, SA with my African Sister. The (black) waiter comes to bring the bill. He puts it in front of (white) me. But I am the lowly missionary guest of my high profile, Attorney girlfriend.
  • I turn on the TV. There is a show on of fat bellied starving, sick and dying (black) kids with flies on their faces. I know that most of the African Africans, (not African Americans) cringe at the sight, are put off that this is how their Africa is being portrayed.

Africa is a big place. It is not all like that. And why is it usually a nice, clean (white) American who is lending the helping hand? (at least for the camera) What about the local workers on the ground who stay behind and feed, care for the sick and bury or nurse to health those poor dying souls? Where is their photo? Will they ever see the money raised on behalf of those in their care? Will their names ever be published as the ones who did all the work for the aid workers, mission outreaches, etc., to come and “serve” their people? Will they be noticed in time gone by as the true heroes of help?

Probably not. While their own children and families likely suffer at home in near poverty because they are working so hard to help THEIR own people, they rather look the other way as long as some good is coming out of it. “After all,” they think, “we need the help”.

Because then, what would the people who were doing these noble things by coming from their affluent America, say to the donors who financed the trip? “Yes we were really there. We saw it first hand. We came and really did something. The people were so grateful there, so warm and welcoming. We have to bring more people to help. They will die without our help”. It is called the “Savior Syndrome”.

We (white America) sees it this way: “shouldn’t they just be grateful we left our homes, came all this way, sacrificed to be here? After all, they are so blessed to have all this help. They must really love us a lot.”

Hopefully, I have sparked something in you through this. Don’t get my wrong. I am one of those Americans. I have spent over 25 years of my life in Africa working amongst some pretty big needs. But now, I am African on the inside and my eyes have been turned into African eyes. I cringe at my early thinking. I feel ashamed that (my) Africa is so patronized, exploited and pitied. I only wish that America and the rest of the world, could learn even a touch of what makes Africa rich in resources. Yes, there are resources of gold, diamonds, copper and the like. But that is not what makes Africa rich. It is the culture of respect, honor, the value placed on relationships that make her great. America is, in fact, impoverished in these areas. America needs Africa and her values. I am forever indebted to be able to embrace the true heart of Africa, barely skimming the surface of understanding just how rich I have become through being here.

This post from bytheirstrangeproof.com pretty much sums it up for me: “The ‘white savior complex’ is particularly strong when it comes to white aid in Africa. Often church missions have a concept of the ‘poor starving children of Africa’ and very little understanding of the self-empowerment and independence that can thrive in our absence.”   

See this tongue-in-cheek video on common pitfalls of media portrayal. How Not to Write About Africa – Binyavanga Wainaina – narrated by Djimon Hounsou

What feelings has this post stirred up in you? What have been your experiences,-on both sides of the globe, and what can we learn from them?

My 500 Words Day 19